2005-01-12 - Total lack of motivation
12 Jan, 05 - 21:44
GPS-pos: N67°28´ | E153°42´ | Alt: 11 M
Written by Johan Ivarsson
It is the12th of January today in the year of 2005. We´re in our apartment in Srednekolymsk.
The temperature today is -51°F (-46°C). Almost no wind and a clear blue sky.
We went to buy a thermometer at the local drugstore today, since the digital one´s we brought with us from back home stops working when the temperature drops below -22°F.
´´Thermometer? Yes, we have one´´ , the woman in the drugstore told us and with great persistence said: ´´but it´s not a good one, it´s only good for temperatures down to -58°F.´´
We smiled and I thought:
´´I guess, who wants to know when it gets colder than that anyway.´´
We´re just 20 days off the most difficult stretch of the trip. 350 km:s of skiing to reach the small settlement of Kolymskaya, then another 350 km:s to Cherskii, not far off our final goal in Ambarchik Bay. Locals say that this winter is the coldest for many years and it just continues with extremely low temperatures every day now. And, in addition to these continuing extremely low temperatures, storm winds and heavy snow is to be expected. And this worries us, no doubt. There´s another reality awaiting us on this stretch, since in comparison to when we left Zyryanka, at that time, we had no idea what we were heading into. We knew that it was going to be cold, but we didn´t realize just how cold it is when it is below -40°F, until we were out there facing it. At that time, before we left, I had no problems at all to motivate myself for what we were going to do. I actually looked forward getting out into the tent again, feeling that intense freedom again, knowing that I would discover new places and get more knowledge of life. In the last dispatch that I wrote before we left Zyryanka, I actually stated that I didn´t think that we would get any problems, what so ever, with the cold. I couldn´t have been more wrong!
Now, on the other hand, we know exactly what we will experience, and I definitely don´t feel like going back out there again! Where´s the enjoyment in the never ending effort, pulling the sledges all day long with fingertips that are numb from frostbites, knowing that we will have to spend another 30 shivering nights in the tent before we will reach our next goal? Plus this never-ending darkness. Just one long suffering. When I think of it all, I find it hard to motivate myself and I now and then ask myself:
´´Why in earth should I put my skis back on when it will be time for us to continue. What´s the reason?´´
I force myself to think positive. About all these wonderful and amazing people that we met when we traveled from Zyryanka to here, and the happiness and gratitude I felt when they invited us into their homes and into their family. Things lighten up a lot then! On to that I add thoughts of the great nature awaiting us with it´s teeming wildlife and, most of all, that great feeling of being outdoor in the truest wilderness on the globe! Where one can listen to howling wolves and see fresh tracks after giant moose bulls. Well, and another thing, as the sun, once again, has started to show up in the horizon, even if it´s only for a few minutes, it gives the feeling that we are heading towards warmer days, with more light and a bigger chance of surviving without too much suffering.
But we still have 19 more rest days and I´m sure that, when the time comes, I´ve found my motivation and will be ready to get out there again!
I hope! |
